Ashford (Middlesex) Hockey Club

Training Sunday 09:30-11:00 U8 mixed, U10, U12 and U14 girls. No training for U10, U12 and U14 boys as they have matches.

No Sunday training forU16 boys

U8 Mixed

Staines have postponed the U8 tournament 

U10 Boys and U12 Boys

Staines Tournament. Meet at Worple Road at 1030 for an 1100 start. Contact Sam and/or Caroline

 U14 Boys

Home to Teddington. Meet 1215 at Short Lane for a 1300 pitch on. Contact Jakki and/or Adrian

U16 Boys

Home to Maidenhead. Meet 1430 at Short Lane for a 1500 pitch on. Contact Peter

Ashford 3’s 3 (Fry, Gordo, Adam H) Gerrards Cross 2

Yes, I’ve ripped off myself with the headline but it’s a good’un!.

When they shoot the dvd for the best 100 Ashford games EVER! , well this probably won’t make the cut, but the boys and Mrs Doggers were very happy Saturday night as we beat Gerrards Cross in the Div 3 wooden spoon game. We tried really hard not to win it going 2-0 down before tying it up at 2-all by half time. The first goal for GX was hysterical with the umpire playing a quality assist by talking to Jess while they played the ball to the unmarked centre-forward (Jess was exchanging no’s with the umpire I think) who slotted home. After conceding a poor second, DM and Gordo combined to play in Jonno, whose cross-shot was stuck in from a yard by Fry who was at his talking-a good-game-but-not–playing-it-best. Then crikey some more good play and after having 4 golden chances in one attack, Fry forced a p-flick which Gordo stepped up and converted.

We could have been in front by the end of the half and were playing well, all we needed to do in the second was continue as we’d finished. Did we? No, we were pants all half, even though we had plenty of chances to score, GX bossed the second half and had at least 5 golden chances, hitting the post twice and Jonno made a brilliant diving full-length block to save a certain goal.

Last minute, Gordo played in DM who held the ball up well before passing to Adam H and he had time to put the kettle on , make a cup of tea and read the paper before eventually shooting – the ball hit the keepers pads and looped up and everyone waited as the ball dropped just under the bar into the back of the net!!! 3-2! And just time for Shaggy to give Adam a piggyback and the full-time whistle!! You had to feel for GX and especially their keeper who had a really good game…

Ashford 1 Maidstone 4

Wokingham 1’s 6 Ashford 2’s 3

Ashford 4’s 0 Leighton Buzzard 2’s 7

Eastcote 8’s 1 Ashford 5’s 1

It was Groundhog Day again for the Red-and-Blacks as they played well and for much of the game out-played their mid-table opposition, Maidstone, but once again they were outdone by counter-attacking and better finishing. Maidstone have the leading goalscorer in Prem A this season in Chris Bassano-Harper and despite an even first half, were 2-up at the break. Coach Duncan Mahony scored a terrific goal early in the second half but as Ashford pressed for an equaliser were undone by a classic counter-attack. Young Shanie White hit the post from a drag-flick shortie and that might have set up a grandstand finish but an overtime-converted short corner by Bassano-Harper gave the final score a flattering look for the visitors. 2 notable things about this game were the 2 ‘debutantes’ for the home team, Joe Siman was playing at the bottom of the league rung against Ashford 5’s not long ago but rose up effectively 14 leagues (which coincides with the number of hairs on his head) to play a very impressive first-ever game at left back! The second debut was like something out of a Frankenstein movie – thunder and lightning flashed, the crowd started baying for no reason and where did they get those scythes and torches come from? With Spanky impersonating Igor, no make-up required, there was a crackling eldritch transformation in the home dug-out and out of the smoke and fog lurched - the horror! - the creaking 46-year-old Neil Smith, due to help out the 3’s, who came on when 14-year-old Phil Thelip was injured to give an effervescent display at right back and too many ‘Gretsky’s’ to count…he must be on commission…

The 2’s were nearly on fire shooting into a 3-2 lead with goals from Rosie and Ryan and had a Shaunie short corner disallowed for dipping above the backboard (before hitting it) which would have been 4-2 – they then ran out of steam and lost 6-3 to Wokingham 1’s.

The 4’s played Leighton Buzzard 2’s who were suspiciously good given they are 3^rd from bottom. The 4’s did ever so well to hold them to half-time but once they conceded an early goal in the second half, it all got a bit difficult for them.

The 5’s had a good game and result although will be disappointed to concede a late equaliser, young Luke scored for us.

Teddington 5 Ashford 2

Ashford 2’s 0 Aylesbury 1’s 7

Harrow 1’s 5 Ashford 3’s 0

Ashford 4’s 4 OH Fledglings 6

Leighton Buzzard 4’s 7 Ashford 5’s 0

The 1’s lost 5-2 after being 3-down at half time. They were well in the game first half and in fact dominated the first 10 minutes but Teddington had a good forward who was that bit sharper in front of goal. Second half the boys as usual kept plugging away and were rewarded when Justin scored a very good goal…apparently my unnamed source said Justin played within himself and used his brain…sound to me very much like the Pillar of Black Smoke Monster from Lost has taken over our insane Saffer but if he plays better and stays on the pitch, then who cares? Anyway second half was 2-all with Angry Dave lashing in another Big One…hope he did his Manly Roar…

The 2’s and 3’s made up for being pretty good last week by being pretty rubbish this week. The 3’s weren’t helped by a perplexing short corner from which Harrow scored their first one but seeing as we were rubbish the 15 minutes before the goal and most of the rest of the game, well we can’t complain too much (so I’m complaining a bit).

The game was overshadowed when Ryan ‘Zim’ Dare (only he and little Stef played well of our outfield players) was felled blocking a shot. A complete accident, the forwards stick rode up Ryan’s and cracked him on the back of the head and he was out for a few seconds and well woozy and had to go to hospital. He Is Fine…Update from his Dad was…’that the hospital let him out on Sunday with a big box of pain killers and six staples in his head. He was at school on Monday, even though he’s got a pretty savage headache (which is to be expected!). Staples come out on Friday.’ Anyway, important thing is it was a long corner…

We have a wooden spoon game against GX next week and I trust we have reserved our good play for that game!

The 4’s had a cracker of a game against one of the best sides in the league, Oxford Hawks Fledglings, and lost 6-4 with a goal disallowed that would have made it 5-all!! Weapon X got a hat trick and younger bro’, Weapon Alpha, the other. Fledglings scored all the goals from short corners of which they had about 20 while we had none at all, apparently a very open game!!

The 5’s did fantastically well to get a side out – they had 10 but with players out Orex did a great job! – but it was a bit tough!

Ashford 0 Staines 3

Ashford 2’s 7 (Rosie 4, Shaunie 3) Mill Hill 1’s 1

Ashford 3’s 0 Newbury & Thatched Roof 2’s 2

Apologies for tardiness and reduced burble-ocity too – I’ve had to do some work this week. Shorn of 4 of their squad for various reasons, the 1’s stood up well to our neighbours who still harbour hopes of winning the league. We lost 3-0; nevertheless they can be happy with their performance if not result and, in particular, the second half, where Staines were only able to convert a debatable penalty. James Wheeler had a spectacular game in goal as Staines dominated early doors and could have had the game won in the first 20 minutes. They converted only one of 8 short corners and then added another with another deflected short corner to lead by 2 goals to nil at half time. Andy Barnes marshalled his defence superbly in the second half as Ashford held Staines but as has proven the problem this season, could not convert their pressure into goals. Coach Duncan Mahony said after the game ‘I’m proud of the lads, they never give up and the second half played some fantastic stuff, we just need to do it for the 70 minutes.

The 2nds had the result of their season earning some measure of revenge for their 10-4 drubbing earlier in the season by Mill Hill, Rosie and Shaunie were on fire scoring all 7 goals.

The 3’s had a great game against N&T riding high in second. One-nil down for a long period, as has happened often this season, but we did create chances and should have equalised though the visitors were profligate in front of goal to be honest. Their umpire ignored a stone-cold penalty when Jonno was upended by the keeper (missed ball, got player), which could have meant 1-all. As it was they finally got the second with 12 minutes to go, however we really played well, little Stef and Ryan (Zim) came in and were fantastic and Lukey was a revelation up front

4’s and 5’s got a bit drubbed but the oppo were well knackered by the end

Brighton 4 Ashford 0

Ashford 2’s 1 (Elliot) Eastcote 2’s 7

City of Oxford 3 Ashford 3’s 2 (Dash, Adam H)

Ashford 4’s 2 (Stef, ‘K’) Maidenhead Magicians 4

Amersham & Chalfont 5’s 0 Ashford 5’s 3 (Weapon X!)

A familiar story for the 1’s – a great effort by the lads with a lot to applaud but little going their way. The first goal was a cross volleyed in by Luke who had a fantastic captain’s game. The second came from a chance for Duncan saved by the keeper and went to their right back – 10 seconds later, they have scored! Spoke to 3 of the team and they said the same thing, team played well and never gave up. Staines this week and a similar performance with a couple of goals please!!

2’s could not maintain their improved performances of late and lost 7-1

3’s were oh so close but ultimately paid for a poor start. City of Oxford bossed us about as we played without cohesion and just when we’d started to sort ourselves out, a deflected cross set up their forward for their first after 20 minutes. A short that wasn’t a short was their second. Despite the fluffy hair, Shaggy has re-invented himself as our ruthless, hard man Douglas Jardine even questioning an umpire’s decision?!! And telling Gordo ‘less hopeful passes please’, withering stuff.

Interesting difference in the 2 umpires wrt young Dom, who  has been playing central defense for the past few weeks and whose play has been ’robust’ and very effective - one who had no problem with his play and the other blew pretty much everything against him which made things difficult for us particularly in the first half.

Second half, we played well and it was a competitive game. 10/12 minutes in and Chris D used his most potent weapon i.e. his bum to hold off their midfielder, he then played in Dash who ran the ball 30-odd yards before rounding the keeper with aplomb to score…game on… except we then conceded a third…Dash and Adam H then played some lovely one-two hockey for Adam to score to set up a frantic last 5 minutes but we need to make a bit more of our pressure if we want to get a positive result.

4’s had a great game against Maidenhead – they lost 4-2 but the young lads and old’uns really gelled…apparently it was a quick, flowing, high-standard game and we can be very pleased with our boys. Interesting to see not-so-young Big John playing left half and putting in his claim for moving up a team!!

5’s won 3-0 and it wasn’t a walkover! Even-Stevens at half time, they managed to pass the ball to Weapon X who got a hat trick and the 5’s are nestled in the lofty heights of mid-table!!

Ashford 1’s 2 Oxford Uni 6

Ramgharia Sabha 1’s 5 Ashford 2’s 2

Ashford 3’s 0 Aylesbury 2’s 4

Ashford 5’s 0 Brunel Uni 1’s 9

An encouraging performance from the Red-and-Blacks, they played with some teeth going forward and generated chances and pressure against a useful Oxford Uni outfit. The visitors had an impressive drag-flick routine that generated 2 goals into the top left corner and a penalty flick when Andy Barnes impressive stomach stopped a goal bound shot. These goals took the game away from Ashford who continued to play good hockey throughout, Shane White zipped one over the onrushing keeper from a pass from Angry before Angry got one himself wobbling though on his bionic knees and lashing the ball home. Nice manly roar afterwards too!

The 2’s continued their good form from last week but leaked goals conceding one in the first minute – 2-1 down at half time, they took the game to Ramgharia but got caught on the break and lost 5-2, Rosie and Weapon X scoring. Well done to Amit for managing not to get sent off by Daddy and Pud stayed on pitch too!

3’s was very similar to last week being 1-0 down for much of the game against a top 3 Aylesbury team though this week we did create chances (Freddie took a shortie and smacked a cracking, rising shot but their defender hadn’t read my script and made a top save on the line, their keeper made a full length save from Gordo and another good save from DM among them) but we gotta stick one in, 1-all and it would have been game on, they scored their second 15 minutes into the second half and that was that and then added 2 more in last 5 minutes which was a bit harsh. Captain Shaggy, indie rocker Adam and HisBand and Ding Dong Bell hadn’t slept properly for 3 days and were coach-lagged from their skiing trip but it was good of them to turn out and help the club.

4’s game was cancelled due to snow in Oxford but, even though it might not sound it, the best performance was the 5’s against Brunel Uni 1’s. 7-0 down at half time and playing a team who pretty much all would be in our top 3 teams and one of their lads was absolute quality, they played out of their skin in the second half. Putting Lucas, our ability-challenged Belgian on their best player was a masterstroke and they had to wait 26 mins to score their next goal before adding no. 9 as I breathed in to blow the full time whistle. Well done lads, even Bobby played well!!

Ladies League Hockey 30/1/10

Middlesex Premier

ASHFORD 1st XI 1 v PHC CHISWICK 1st XI 5

In their first home League game of 2010, Ashford ladies faced stiff opposition in the form of second in the table side, PHC Chiswick 1st XI. Once again poor availability throughout the Club and a growing injury list meant that the Red & Blacks were reduced to a squad of eleven players only. However, this did not seem to dent the teams and coach MANDY WAIN’S confidence at all as they started the game with great vim and vigour and dominated play in the first quarter. Youngsters LUCY UTTLEY and KELLY TAYLOR were both particularly impressive, with KELLY setting up things down the right flank and the evergreen goal striker MARIA CAVILLA also playing well and picking up the crosses and through balls well and threatening the visitors goal on numerous occasions. Likewise at the back, youngster ELINE SIBIA was playing well and helping to pressurise the PHC Chiswick defence whilst also dealing skill fully with any of the rare Chiswick attacks. Despite their dominance though, Ashford got caught by a Chiswick breakaway, which resulted in a short corner being awarded, from which they opened the scoring. The Red & Blacks soon bounced back, when a sizzling run by LUCY UTTLEY saw her skin a couple of Chiswick defenders before striking for goal and seeing an alert MARIA CAVILLA poach the shot home to notch the Ashford equaliser at 1-1. A high standard of hockey, and umpiring, saw some good hockey being played by both sides for the rest of the first half and Ashford continuing to be in charge of game, even though the score remained at 1-1 until half time.

The second half saw the visitors getting more into their stride and gaining confidence in front of goal. The Red & Blacks remained resolute though, with youngster SARAH APPLETON again playing extremely well and bravely, especially during the onslaught from Chiswick short corners. Likewise the ever reliable Ashford defenders SOPHIE SMART and EMMA HYNES were playing in their usual polished and highly accomplished manner at the back to contain the mounting Chiswick threats, which eventually saw them taking the lead when they scored a second goal to lead 2-1. After fifteen minutes or so of play in second half, Ashford defender ELINE SIBIA suffered an injury and left the field, and with no substitutes available the Red & Blacks were reduced to ten players only. Ashford battled on bravely, but as players tired, the visitors took their chances and scored another three goals to give them what even they said was a rather flattering 5-1 victory. SOPHIE SMART was the Ashford player of the match, but the team as a whole played well and they were unfortunate to lose by such a margin

Next week Ashford travel to Easctcote to face Eastcote 3rd XI, who are yet to gain any league points. If the Red & Blacks play as well as they did in this game, then a victory and three important league points should be well within in their grasp.

Team: S. Grant (GK), E. Hynes, S. Smart, P. Worsfold (Skipper), A. Protheroe, S. Appleton, M. Cavilla, J. Bashford, L. Uttley, K. Taylor, E. Sibia

Tulse Hill & Dulwich 1 Ashford 0

Ashford 2’s 3 (Fry, Rosie, Symes) Rover Oxford 2

Ashford 3’s 0 Leighton Buzzard 3

Ashford 4’s – walkover

West Hampstead 8’s 5 Ashford 5’s 0

The 1’a had a right-old tussle with Tulse Hill but could not score the goal their play deserved – they dominated most of the game forcing 7 short corners to the oppo 2 and had other chances but they needed the confidence a goal will bring – and it didn’t. so another defeat albeit a close one. Coach Dunc was pleased with the performance and the fact the side kept going all game.

This could be front page news for the Staines & Ashford News this week…not only did the 2’s not lose, not only did they get the first points of the season, Gordon Bennet!! They got all 3 points!! Yes they finally seem to have grasped the concept that if they concede less goals than they score, they have a good chance of wining the game! Rover Oxford did help a bit as they missed 2 virtual open goals before Fry scored from close range just before the break. A very, open loose game – this was fun to watch as anything could have happened – also Neil was playing again displaying his Gretsky in all its wonder, and talking a good game. Having conceded an equaliser, BigEll did a wonderful accidental dummy which confused his marker, got the ball to Rosie who spun and pelted down the wing before slipping the ball to Elliot who had continued his run and his rather modest shot went straight through the keepers legs! Of course the oppo equalised again and both sides could have scored – and some of the boys, Smart for example, could barely move by the end, but for a change our lads had that little bit of luck you need sometimes and 5 minutes to go, Rosie scored from close range and we held on for a sweet 3 points.

The 3’s were unfortunate to lose 3-0, LB scored in the last minute, majority of the game was 1-0 and we had chances to equalise – and if we had, you never know – but we didn’t, we know – and once LB got the second that was it. Not a bad performance against a first team but we should be a bit disappointed.

The 4’s have sealed coming not-bottom with Harrow conceding – they couldn’t get a second team out – and the 5’s had a friendly game with a strong West Hampstead outfit but are still flying high in their league (well compared to the rest of us)…

Ladies League Hockey 23/1/10
Middlesex Premier
WEST HAMPSTEAD 2nd XI 3 v ASHFORD 1st XI 2

After seven weeks away from hockey due to the Christmas/New Year break and the subsequent bad weather, Ashford Ladies 1st XI returned to action on Saturday. They had to travel to Brent Cross to play their first game of 2010, and they faced the team directly below them in the League, West Hampstead 2nd XI. Once again the first team squad were without the experienced midfielders NICKY BENEDICT, who is now on maternity leave, and the injured ANNIE NEYTON. In addition, young defender ELINE SIBIA was unavailable, but otherwise the rest of the regular squad was on duty. Coach MANDY WAIN decided to retain teenage, versatile defender BRYONY SMITH for her third 1st XI game on the right of midfield, and also gave a 1st XI debut to another promising teenager, central defender SARAH APPLETON. The absence of games didn’t show initially, as the Red & Blacks started in sprightly fashion and controlled the first twenty minutes of play. Youngsters LUCY UTTLEY and KELLY TAYLOR were both prominent and they made some speedy, forceful runs up field, whilst veteran striker MARIA CAVILLA was unlucky not to find the back of the net on several occasions. However, it was the home team who opened the scoring, despite the Red & Blacks early superiority with a speedy strike. Ashford hit back though, when Skipper PHIL WORSFOLD stepped up to convert her second penalty flick of the season to level the scores at 1-1, following a foul in the home sides circle. West Hampstead then came into their own and debutant SARAH APPLETON coped very well under pressure, with the able support of experienced defenders SOPHIE SMART and EMMA HYNES. Once again the Red & Blacks pushed forward and secured several short corners, but things just weren’t clicking with their final strike on goal. Unfortunately, West Hampstead found their Midas touch in the second part of the first half, scoring two, swift good, breakaway goals to go into half time with a 3-1 lead.

The second half started in a similar fashion to the first, with Ashford playing well, with midfielder (and player of the match) JACQUI BASHFORD in particular doing a lot of good work, and covering a lot of ground in midfield. The commendable team effort then resulted in the Red & Blacks pulling a goal back following a short corner, in which about six Ashford players were involved. Injector ANNA PROTHEROE managed to hit the post with her follow up shot and the ever vigilant striker SHARON Mc GINLEY eventually pounced, to put the ball home from very, very close in. Despite being back in the game, the Red & Blacks lack of matches began to tell, and they tired as they strived for an equaliser. West Hampstead meanwhile went from strength to strength and it took the ever reliable Red & Blacks keeper SAM GRANT performing extremely well in goal to stop them. Not only was SAM doing some excellent saves, but also some vital goal mouth clearances, and she was helped by some decisive defending from SARAH APPLETON, who was playing with growing confidence in her first game. Ashford held out to the end of play, to keep the final score at 2-3, but rued some of the missed chances they had had in front of goal.

Ashford are at home at noon next week against second in the League team, PHC Chiswick 1st XI. Coach MANDY WAIN will be hoping to have more or less a full squad to pick from and will be looking for the Red & Blacks to convert their promising parts of their form in their first game of 2010, into League points.

Team: S. Grant (GK), E. Hynes, S. Smart, B. Smith, P. Worsfold (Skipper), A. Protheroe, S. Appleton, M. Cavilla, J. Bashford, S. McGinley, L. Uttley, K. Taylor

The 1’s followed on nicely from last week, playing really well for the first 10 minutes and must have surprised Purley Wal’s with their pace and silky team work. Unfortunately we were up against a team who had a couple of quality finishers and they were able to convert a proportion of their chances whereas we couldn’t and the Red-and-Blacks found themselves 5 down in a half where they had just as much play as the oppo! There was only one goal in the second half which rightly went to our boys, Matty Emmerton – literally on goal scoring fire - scoring with a vicious tomahawk reverse-smack.

The 2’s struggled again and can look forward to a break now and hopefully be recharged for the restart.

The 3’s played really well again following on from last week and I know we surprised Sonning with the quality of our play (two of them said after the game ‘ we were surprised with the quality of your play’) – we just couldn’t give the keeper enough to do and the Croxster was pretty busy having to deal with 3 1-on-1’s but he seems to handle them alright so might as well let him get on with it! Mark Bell has joined the team this season and has joined the mini-team we have in the 3’s who like - no prefer no demand - to play with one hand. Anyway on this form Ding Dong will soon be knocking on the 2’s door.

The 4’s had no game but the 5’s had a fun game against Staines 6’s – one down they came back with a cracker from Mr Singh, 2-1 down and then our equaliser was a present for young Luke and then, controversy, a penalty for Staines. Thank the entity of your choice for ‘Dan’ Dare who dived full length belying his age and disability allowance – the wrong way - and it hit the post. Huzzah!!!

Sunbury 1’s 4 Ashford 2’s 0

Ashford 3’s 3 (Bert (2), Freddie) Eastcote 4’s 3

Ashford 4’s (Mandip)1 Eastcote 6’s 3

There was a definite theme to the games for the 1’s, 3’s and 4’s – performances of effort, belief and no little quality but none of them getting the reward they deserved.

The 2’s were doomed from the moment the team sheet appeared and had 4 Smiths in it – the high point of the game apart from a spirited goalless second half was the return of the Neil Smith ‘Gretsky’ slap which the kids were wowed by. Stand by for some very poor attempts at it in colt’s games this weekend!

OMG the 3’s didn’t lose! And we are now Not Bottom!!!!!!!!! Ultimately disappointing because we were 3-2 up with 5 mins to go but it was a terrific game against Eastcote 4’s and a perfect fillip to our pummelling the previous week. We played some terrific team hockey and really got stuck in, came back from 1 down and 2-1 down to lead before the final equaliser, Bert getting 2 and Freddie the other. We defended well and gave the Croxster a bit of respite, the midfield competed all game and one of the goals featuring DM, Fred, a great dummy run by the Bellster and finished off by Bert was fantastic and belied our lowly position. We did completely disobey the half time instructions, which were to ‘keep it tight for the first 10 minutes.’ Shaggy went off on one of his headless runs and did his batty-boy hit with his hands apart which never works except it bounced through to Bert who equalised – after about 30 seconds!! No we played really well and if we’d converted one of our chances at 3-2, we would have definitely won but overall a fair result.

A very young 4’s played a very canny Eastcote 6’s and worked their socks off, little Stef and Blake tormented them in the first half and they were unfortunate on the play to be 2-down at half time. Which soon became 3 but they kept plugging away and got one when old boy Mandip deflected a cross in – looked like he mis-controlled it but he was adamant he meant it!

The 5’s were pummelled I’m afraid but at least it’s all over, we did score a goal through Weapon X, and they have a Staines game to look forward to this week.

Basically, the boys played great and showed they can compete at this level

Top v Bottom and Ashford found probably their best form of the season against the league leaders, Spencer, but fell agonisingly short of getting something out of this game.

Early doors, it looked the same old story with the game being fairly even but Spencer taking the lead after 15 minutes but the expected floodgates never opened as the Red-and-Blacks first held the midfield to give  their defence some respite and started to dominate midfield. Inspired by a tour-de-force midfield performance from skipper Lukey Cottrell, they started to push the league leaders back and it was no surprise when a sweeping move prompted by teen sensations Phil Thelip and Shanie White was finished clinically by Matty Emmerton.

The game really opened up with ‘keeper James Wheeler on top form and Ashford continued to play with passion and belief but were unable to get their noses in front, Spencer converting a shortie before they broke away to add a 3^rd. Ashford never gave up and White zipped home a drag flick to set up a barnstorming finish with Spencer forced back into their half for the remaining last 10 but they showed why they are top with resolute defending and a terrific save denied coach Mahony in the last minute to seal the points and retain their top position.

Coach Dunc Mahony hailed this as a fantastic effort by his inexperienced charges saying after the game ‘the boys relaxed and played quick, skilful team hockey and had the top team on the backfoot for much of the game. We have got to continue this form into the last game before the break and come out blazing next year. ‘

…plus Quiz Night highlights…

Another difficult day for the Red-and-Black boys apart from the 5’s who are shooting up the table, unfortunately another cancellation. One small crumb of comfort is despite losing all the players we have this season, we are still getting 5 teams out.

Other games, oi vey, 38 goals, just the 9.5 average goals per game. The 1’s may have lost to Chichester but, crikey, they drank the fixture back in the bar and put the home team to shame. Shy, retiring Justine decided to liven up proceedings with some pint races and after disposing of 2 of the team, the call went out to Chichester to put forward a man, or woman, to take on our rambunctious Saffer. Of course, they all wimped out so up stepped the coach, Dunc, who just edged out the champion whose response to losing was to then take on skipper, Luke, for a 4th pint race in 15 minutes or so. My informant couldn’t tell me who won that as he was laughing so much and the place was in uproar by now!! Think this might have affected Justine’s Quiz Night performance (he fell asleep but was conscious by the end and last punter to leave the club!).

The second and third teams were playing Wycombe, top in their respective leagues and very strong. The 2’s scored a couple of good goals, Shaun finishing neatly after Dame Bettsy had done all the hard work (according to himself - doesn’t sound like him to be honest) and he got the 2nd which strangely he went into no detail about. However the 2’s saved their best form for the Quiz Night where they supplied 3 teams! Kudos to skipper Cole who decided to use the night to work their Fines slush fund down, think they may have started a bit early i.e 4 hours before the quiz started and they were rocking by the start and didn’t feature at the top of the table (my source, Podge, was claiming to be in the best shape of his team (must be some strange shapes) saying Fry, Symes and Crabhands were censored ‘not at their best’
Controversial scenes at the end when the Westlakes having been declared winners were moved to 2nd when Mr and Mrs Shaggy’s team were awarded another point by Quiz supremo, Sherpa, who had struggled manfully to retain control of proceedings – mind you, not the easiest of tasks with the sbab-fuelled 2’s, Justin when he was conscious and a cheating Freddie. Very successful night, well done all!!!

Ah back to hockey, the 3’s, well all our fun was up front – Freddie’s amazed cry of ‘you’ve got a wife!!?!?!’ to Big Amit amused us all day. Good news was we had the water bottles – no water though – but the ball cage-thing was in the locked clubhouse leaving us with 2 balls – then the clubhouse was unlocked. Goody! Shag gets the balls, puts him in his car, then promptly doesn’t take his car so we arrive at RAF Naphill and are greeted with the sight of a smoking-hot Wycombe doing an award-winning warm-up (some snakey-12 man move ending up with some undercut/reverse smack) and they had about 800 balls – we found another ball, we had 3 balls!! One to warm up ‘keeper Ryan, and 2 for the rest of the motley crew. I’d love to report that we then wiped the floor with them (well I could but it wouldn’t be true!), no they are good but we did draw the last 20 minutes 1-all (Freddie scoring from our only shortie) and we had our best 5 mins when Gordo got sent off for the first time since I don’t know (15 years?) hitting the ball away at about 10 miles an hour (‘into the crowd’ as the umpire said – ok at Gordo speed along the ground – anyway, get off!) after they had hoofed the ball into the goal for number 8. Maybe I should get sent off more often…

4’s was obviously a toughie; long trek for no reward but they have done very well this season overall.