Ashford (Middlesex) Hockey Club

Ashford Scorers:
Amit Bhamra, Gordon Smith

On the way to MK with the ‘prolific’ Chris Davies (look forward to that pint, Chris) and Steve ‘Collina’ Smith, our ump, I had opined that James Maitland held the key to this game so it was with some foreboding that I arrived to hear that the Wild Man of the team had finally lived upto his nickname and been ill twice on the way due to ’something he ate.’

We duly trotted onto the MK water-based pitch full of thoughts of total hockey to be confronted by a pitch that looked distinctly swamp-like - with mud and scum particularly bad the end we were attacking. Our legendary hard man, James, did not start as ‘his hands were cold’ and Bert Hewes started in the unfamiliar position of right midfield, apart from that we had the normal team of a few old heads and the kids. We never really got going in the first half as we struggled to get used to the pitch and the MK tactics, which involved their skipper, Big John, launching a long-ball offensive throughout (there was a brief lull when he broke his stick!). Very apt given that MK Dons are just down the road, Harry Bassett would have been well proud. Not to say it wasn’t effective as they soon took the lead when an MK forward took advantage of slight indecision and lamped it home impressively giving Tom no chance in goal. We did force short corners thou gh but they weren’t injected properly (sorry!) and I don’t think the surface mulch helped us. Anyway we didn’t trouble the goalie unduly and got to half time 1-0.

2nd half thankfully was a different story as we were attacking the better end of the pitch and, I guess, if we wanted to get anything out of the game, we needed to up the ante which we did. Rosie had had a quiet first half but the second half he was electric - who knows what he’d be like if he could actually see what he was doing! - as he embarked on several curly detours round their midfield and defence (he and Podge have been our best players the whole month). We forced yet more shorts and eventually Amit got his Big Whack going and hit the left post so much that it ricocheted into the opposite sideboard - anyway 1-all. We were dealing better with Big John’s bazooka-powered hits (starting with backing off a bit!) and forcing the pace of the game.

Midway through the half, Ell smacked in a free hit from the left, Ryan made a fantastic run from the right post to the left post and got a touch and though the keeper made a good save, the ball squirted to the old goal-smith-er who made no mistake! 2-1 and off he went determined to show Rosie and Shaggy how to celebrate a goal, jumping and high-fiving anyone in range - very Panesar-esque - kissing his badge and heading for ‘the crowd’ to receive his accolade…only….there was no ‘crowd’!!!!! Apparently he ‘had to work’ - what sort of excuse is that!!!

The last 15 minutes we were made to work hard by MK but we saw the game out relatively comfortably and in the end deserved our win. We came off the pitch spattered with crap but very happy with the performance and the points. It looks like our plan to avoid relegation has worked a bit earlier than expected and we find ourselves at the halfway stage in 2nd place, one point behind South Bucks. Yowsah!

Christmas came early for Oxford Hawks as Team Ashford conspired to give 2 points away and a chance to close the gap between ourselves and league leaders South Bucks to 2 points.

We played well without really hitting top form, starting quite well for a change and working the flanks well, both Big Ell and little Ell had good games providing the support midfield and attack needed.

We had loads of chances, I had 4 decent ones myself and I’m centre half! To be fair, their keeper had a fantastic game and but for him we would have won the game at a canter. Half time it was 0-0 somehow and as I’m sure you have anticipated, early in the second half, the Hawks broke away to take the lead. Credit to us, after a frantic few minutes, we settled down again and put a lot of pressure on the visitors and scored 2 goals in 5 minutes. A good team goal with Rosie (my mom for the game) finishing off the move, we then got into their D again, Rosie flicked the ball past the keeper, hit their lad on the line but Stevie played good advantage and Shaggy put away the rebound for his 4th of the season (he has now doubled his normal count for the season). These two have to practice their goal celebrations - Rosie looks like he’s been grounded and Shaggy has a look of shock (probably cos he is shocked - we are).

We continued to dominate the game but crucially we could not get the 3rd goal which would have settled this encounter. In the last 3 minutes they got a short corner and although it was blocked, the Hawks forward swooped for the kill and put away the rebound. Even then we had 2 shorties to win the game but their keeper was equal to them and we had to share the points.

We shouldn’t be too disappointed as last year we would probably have lost this game, Anyway onto the last league game before the break when we travel up to roundabout heaven - Milton Keynes and Big John!!!

The high-flying 4’s got through a nervous first twenty minutes to win this game comfortably and cement their lofty 2nd position.

Playing against pointless Wallingford, on paper this looked an easy 3 points, however the home team sneakily switched the game to astro and this appeared to flummox the Red-and-Blacks early doors. Wallingford passed the ball better and dominated midfield and certainly looked more likely to score, however, fortunately for us and less so for themselves, they had little or no cutting edge and failed to turn their neat play and possession into one decent chance.

While we got ourselves in order, the back four defended stoutly - the only way they can defend with Big Amit, Bubbles and Podge at the back. Adrian Hewes is the Old Father Time of the side - nicknamed Bubbles when he was young due to a dodgy hairstyle and now because he is bubble-shaped. Dropped and in tears during the week, this game was a triumph for the barrel-chested dynamo.

Midway through the half, we got a shortie and a big stroke of luck…Amit unleashed a venomous shot that hit the poor sod on the line’s knee and their umpire gave a flick! Gordon Smith did the old trademark pelvic twist (patent pending) - 1-0 and we settled down. Then a flowing move enabled Chris Davies to net his first in 6 games right on the stroke of half-time.

Second half we played very well - by this time we had grabbed midfield and were cutting huge swathes through the Wallingford team. The 3rd goal was neat and effective… Amit lined up a free hit to do his trademark Big Whack (patent pending) and then slipped it to Ell who had time to sit down, have a cup of tea, read the paper, pick his spot (not nice in public) and then smashed it home for his 5th of the season and bragging rights as current top goalscorer.

One of the most pleasing things about our season is the sharing round of goals - 7 players have got at least 3 goals. The last 2 goals were down to our resident Crazy Gang member, James ‘Wild Man’ Maitland, who has really benefited from a recent anger management course. Having got the hang of this goal-scoring lark with no.4, he picked the ball up outside the 25, wriggled past his marker, dribbled past 2 players before lamping it in from the top of the D… a great goal and worth the wait!!!…

We are now 4 points behind the leaders and have a 3 point gap between ourselves and the rest of the chasing pack of marauding hordes of MBBO Division 4.

Team Ashford’s momentum shows no sign of slowing down with this impressive 3-0 victory and performance over a decent Eastcote team to maintain 2nd position.

We had a fillip before the game with the addition of Dawson - he dawson’t think he’s fit enough yet so he didn’t start early daws. With Big Amit out for a week, a re-shuffle meant Little Amit aka Elliot came in for his first game at centre defence and with Rosie moving to left back and Ant back in goal, we had 3 of our under-16’s in defence.

We always have hard, competitive games against these boys so we were up for it from the start - the team were like rampant wildebeasts and stampeded all over a visibly shocked oppo playing our best hockey of the season. First goal came from our second shortie, up trundled Little Amit to belt the ball goalwards and although it was saved, his old boy was on hand to push home the rebound. A few minutes later, another shortie saw Adam Husband hit a shot across the keeper and ‘Reed’ used his elastic superpowers to get his stick in the way….kick on the line, penalty - our first for 2 years! - a twitch of the pelvis, 2-0 and the 2nd for the elder Smith!! Would Reed Richards score a Fantastic Four goals?!?!!!…. No…

Eastcote had to do something in the second half and they did, making several changes to their formation to try to disrupt our game - to be honest, it worked and had a shot not gone just past the post, it might have been very different. Ant also blocked out a decent chance for them and they had a couple of shorts but they didn’t get a goal back, We continued to create plenty of chances but our swift, controlled passing game had been replaced by frenetic running to counter the visitors change in tactics. The game improved as a contest though and it was only in the last 15 minutes that we started to pass the ball around and use the time we had to stretch Eastcote and reduce the pressure on the defence who played very well throughout, in particular Rosie who was my MOM.

In the last minute, Rhino received the ball in the D and tried an ambitious reverse-stick smack but only managed to loop it up in the air and, as the Eastcote defence watched it go up and come down, Shaggy ran on to push the ball in from very close range to complete the scoring.

Ashford Scorers:
Dan Rose (2), Ryan Holland (2), Amit Bhamra

Team Ashford showed how tough they were on Saturday overcoming crippling nipple rash - yes we bled for the team - to post a convincing win over struggling Bracknell. Our new shirts had turned up and we all looked very handsome, our mum’s would have been proud. Eventually we decided to stop treating the astro like a catwalk and got on with the game…

It was immediately apparent there was a bit more time and space on the ball than usual and we could get our heads up and pass the ball. Of course that would be too easy for us so it took us 10 minutes to impose ourselves us on the game, when we did, a smart move involving Wild Man and Rhino ended with the Time Bandit flicking home. We could and should have scored a couple more but went into half time one-up.

The half time team talk was enlivened by Tony - our crowd doubled for the day - telling us to watch out for flying acorns!

We continued to dominate the second half but couldn’t get the second goal, some interesting runs from Adam caught the eye, he certainly likes cutting inside as one mazy diagonal run would have seen him on the neighbouring footie pitch but for the railings! We then gave up a goal so shocking it has been suppressed by the authorities and you’ll have to come back to this website in 30 years, one element of it was 2 lads calling for the ball and then both leaving it!!

Frustrated by ourselves our play deteriorated and Bracknell had their best spell of the game but their tactic of playing a goal hanger didn’t work and with 15 minutes to go, Big Amit topped in a shortie to calm us down. We then stepped up a gear and went through the pain barrier, as shirts started to chafe the sensitive skin of the brave Ashford boys, to score a quick 3 goals, the first was simple, neat, quick hockey, the ball was cleared to Adam Husband on the left inside our half, he made ground and slipped it to Shaggy - the ball as well - Shaggy - miracle!!!!! - not only had 2 hands on his stick but passed the ball to our resident ewok, Rhino, who rounded the keeper and passed the ball home. The fourth was a shot which hit Rosie’s stick and deflected in and the 5th goal finally broke plucky Bracknell’s hearts…. picking the ball up outside the 25, the brilliant yet modest playmaker-cum-libero Gordon Smith sent 7 of the home team the wrong way with a twitch of his pelvis and then picked out Wild Man, who went past the other 2 of the defence before crossing to Rosie who managed to get his hair out of his eyes to slap it home… Rosie - 2 goals - total distance from goal - 3 yards.

So a comfortable win - according to the Bracknell website we were a larger and more experienced team - not hard to be larger with Egor, Euro and Big Amit in the team - but it should also be reported 4 of our goals were scored by a 12 and 14 year old…

Team Ashford’s one game non-losing streak came to an end as High Wycombe did a smash-and-grab to take all 3 points back to the frozen, inhospitable tundra of deepest, darkest Bucks.

OK I made most of that up, HW were a well-organised and skilful outfit who deserved certainly on their first half performance to win the game. The most shocking moment was when the trainee umpires turned up and it looked like we had Del Boy umpiring for us, fortunately Mark took off his sheepskin to umpire!! The other problem we had was finding a keeper Sat morning as we lost our 3rd goalie in the week, having said that Stuart Ayling, in his first game in goal this season, played really well and was probably our best player on the day.

It was a really good game as the sides had a similar make-up with HW having a couple more sprogs than us and a couple more subs - they started very well and were playing nice little triangles in midfield. By contrast, the only shapes we were doing were the odd circle and Shaggy was very creative doing a double-helix and ampersand all by himself. We had the first decent chance but Reed’s weak shot from a slipped shortie was easily saved. Ryan glanced a cross just past the post and we had more shorts than HW but it was no surprise when their lad went through 4 of our players and the resultant melee saw it poked home form close range. We got to half time thankful to be one-down.

Second half was much better, HW continued to play prettier hockey but we were much more animated in our play, upped the tempo and dictated the pace of the game particularly in midfield. We created enough chances to have got back and won the game, Rosie hit the post at least once, Shaggy should have scored, Ryan forced a good save and we had more shorts than HW and did force the goalie to make saves. Play was frenetic and we had them worried but we couldn’t get the goal we needed - unfortunately we gave up an avoidable goal with 15 minutes to go and although we never gave up, 2 goals was beyond us on the day….

Ashford Scorers:
Dan Williams (2)

Having watched a good portion of their 2’s game, South Bucks really need to get their selection sorted out as their 3’s are comfortably better than their 2’s! We knew before the game that we needed to block off supply of the ball to their cack-hander upfront and I guess essentially we failed as he set up one goal and made most of their shorts and they won the game. Quite disappointing as we played the better hockey for most of the game - we played the ball around well and our forwards were able to worry their defence particularly in the first half. We started probably the best we have all season and play was fairly even with us being a little more incisive. Midway through the half, a free hit or sideline hit found its way to the Smell just outside the D, he fed Rosie (he also had time to pass the ball as well) and Rosie did well to get round the keeper and set up Fat Dan. We deserved a first half lead but unfortunately conceded a soft short corner just before the break.

We continued our good work in the second but got suckered by a breakaway - we gave the ball away in their 25, it was cracked to the cack-hander who ran round our defence and his cross was slammed home by their winger. Play was getting quite physical and the rest of the game was a bit feisty as Bubbles and Mark Burrows came into their own, one up and over by Burrows on their midfield hacker particularly satisfying. Dan belted in an equaliser from a short corner to even things up but the last quarter saw us get a bit tired and South Bucks finally looked the better side and 2 short corners finished us off.

Not a bad performance by any means and they said we are the best team they’ve played but we need to bounce back next week against the might of Gerrards Cross.

Ashford Scorers:
Elliot Smith, Dan Williams, Ryan Holland

Ashford stormed to second in the table (ok we’re not top anymore on goals scored) with this relatively comfortable victory over West Hampstead.

Historically we always have keenly contested competitive games against WH and this was no exception but we were more incisive upfront…WH on the other hand were mediocre in the final third and failed to cause us too many problems. As usual we didn’t settle that well and Ant Appleyard saved a sleepy defence with a reaction save to keep the scores level.

With The Arse up in the 3’s, we had a tailor made replacement in Fat Dan and he led the line well and looked after the sprogs upfront. He did a little jig down the backline, pulled it back (and the ball) and the Podgemeister, Elliot Smith, made no mistake from a yard (unlike later on). The keeper was not happy as he felt Dan had gone over the backline, he was even less happy with the second. He saved a shot and fell over and as it came out to Fat Dan, Rosie (7 stone dripping wet) apparently held him down with his foot…as he is a burly 6 foot plus lad it was hard to believe, Anyway Dan stroked it home and the keepers complaints were waved away by our umpiring dominatrix, Tracey Holland.

Second half we were workmanlike and they didn’t pass particularly well which made things a bit nervy but a poor clearance straight to Rhino Holland set up the moment of the game. The pint-sized striker scooted into the D and launched it into the corner of the roof of the net past the startled keeper, who must have thought he was being picked on. There were 40 or so people watching - there was a pregnant pause before everyone started clapping and cheering, great to see and hear!

WH did get a goal back near the end but the result was never in danger, Seconds before the end, Dan set up Elliot in front of goal, 5 yards out, goalkeeper stranded…he managed to fall over and screw the ball wide to gasps from the vociferous and knowledgeable crowd…. had he scored we would be top. You will be glad to hear I only pointed this out to him twice and only grounded him for a week.

This week sees us play the team that have ousted us, so expect one or all of tears, jeers, cheers and beers next week.

Ashford Scorers:
Dan Rose (2), Andy Sonden (2), Chris Davies

‘The I.C. is Dead, Long Live the I.C.’

The burdensome mantle has now fairly and squarely passed to Big Amit aka the A-man aka the Amster. On Saturday he achieved something that will someday change the way hockey is played, if they make him the GB head coach, the Olympics in 2012 are in the bag. All it took was 8 words, I’m afraid I cannot repeat them else they lose their magical power. Having passed onto us the universal mantra of total hockey, off the team went inspired by the Big Man’s words. I think we might have forgotten for the first 10 or 15 minutes though.

Eastcote were a mixture of skilful old boys and skilful young boys and there also appeared to be about 16 of them. Man with dodgy headband was causing us some problems at the back and we made up for guile with a lot of hard work. Gradually we settled down and bagged 2 goals through Dan ‘Rosie’ Rose midway through the half. The first was made by Elliot Smith who did a horrendous stick tackle which their umpire managed to miss and the Rosie made no mistake from 3 inches out. Closely followed by No.2 where the Amster got off his treadmill at the back and smacked in a free hit which Rosie managed to get a stick to and it drifted in just inside the post…it probably did help that their keeper was the same size as ‘Private’ Ryan. The game continued to be fairly even and it was not surprising when they pulled a goal back as my cry of ‘mark the headband!’ went unheeded and it was 2-1 at half time.

Half-time our resident cheeky boy, Chris ‘the Arse’ Davies drew on all his tactical knowledge which lasted 5 seconds, Amit murmured the Words Of Power and off we went in a dreamlike state to play the second half. We played really well, defending in depth, breaking quickly and playing as a team and the chances came thick and fast. Shaggy was like a man possessed, the man who spent all season getting 2 goals, he scored 2, had one disallowed incorrectly and Chris nicked one off him when it was going in! I suspect he also won the Lotto and got some serious sugar later…great times for Team Ashford and long may they continue!…

And lets sing it again while we still can…. ‘top, top, top, top, top of the table!!!’

Ashford Scorers:
Chris Davies (2), Elliot Smith (2), Ryan Holland (2)

Not often we’ll get to say this so better take the opportunity ‘top, top, top, top, top of the table!!!’

Team Ashford stormed to the top of the table (we’re top by the way) with a 6-0 drubbing of a Bicester team that did not travel well. Good thing too cos some of our team didn’t travel well (and I only live half a mile away), Adam Husband made his debut and a late/missing/slow/abducted by aliens train meant he turned up as the whistle blew.

Things didn’t start well as we were a little bit at 6’s and 7’s - fortunately our defence, with ‘keeper Ant Appleyard making his debut, were impressive throughout the game. We got through a dodgy 10/15 minutes before scoring 2 goals midway through the half both through our own answer to Emile Heskey, Chris Davies - both goals involved 12-year-old Rhino Holland whose initial shot was saved but put away neatly by Chris. A broken short corner was slapped in reverse-stick soon after and Chris has nearly equalled his goal count from last year!

We knew another goal would kill the game - Ant blocked out a couple of decent chances for Bicester before Elliot Smith caught the full back napping (don’t know why he was so tired) and although his first shot was blocked, he calmly rounded the keeper and belted it in. After that we were fairly comfortable and 3 more goals arrived, in the main, through decent play from the forwards and Adam Husband - the Smell got another through unselfish play from Adam and he and Rhino got the goals they deserved. It was interesting to note that Adam played better when he tweaked his hamstring!

A satisfying and adequate performance but we will have to step up from this (Bicester look set for a difficult season) if we want to emulate last years successful season though.